Monday, December 30, 2013

Happy New Year!

We all know the same cliche lines: " Out with the old in with the new."  " A new beginning"  " Wipe the slate clean"  " I promise not to be that drunk like I was last New Years." And yes, all of us were that drunk person on New Years that made a complete ass of themselves. Not to mention that there is always a story which all start out the same " Remember on New Years when..." If not New Years, definitely at a wedding and  I'm guilty for both. 

That's the beauty about New Years, we can always say goodbye to the previous year. " A fresh start" - Another cliche line but still works.  But once we start the new us, we need to really stick to it. Not only are we having a New Year but we are also having a New Moon.  Who knows what will happen? Maybe the Moon and  the stars above will align with the Sun to call out to the sound of the  WAAARRRRIORR! Snarl ... Hulk Hogan....( If you get it you appreciate it. If not, I am not going to explain it)  
Take the time and really soak in this New Year. Pay attention to what is around you and figure out how we can better ourselves. Fukushima Disaster is in California and no one is doing anything about this. This should be a state of EMERGENCY and blasted all over the news! What do we do? Seriously, it's a real question not a rhetorical one. I want to start pitching in and help creating a better life but I doubt just recycling is going to help. Please leave a comment for any suggestions or ideas. 

 I don't want to protest and scream at the powers at be anymore. I am tired of fighting a broken system anyways. I want new ideas, new way of thinking, which will help us create a New Earth. It's time for us to evolve as one. Let us join together and not pay bills because that's the whole reason why we want a new society . Paying for shit sucks and it's finally taken it's toll.  Free energy and the rest will follow! If you thought Thomas Edison was a genius, then you should read up on Nikola Tesla.

Here's to the future everyone, which doesn't exist because the present moment is what you should be focusing on in the first place. 

Happy New Year! 

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

   Holy crap! How long has it been? I can't remember the last time I wrote to you. It's been a long time old friend.  I am sorry that we haven't been connected but  things have just been busy lately. As you know I have a family now and  I am a stand up com--  well you know the rest. There is no need for me to do a shameless plug here. (, this is  about us and what happened to Christmas.

  You and I both knew we weren't going to be friends for long, being preachers kid I wasn't going to believe in you. Hmmm coal in my stocking or eternal damnation? Can you blame me for choosing God? I never experienced the actual belief in you and I wonder what type of person I would end up if I ever did. Would it make me a psychopath going on a killing rampage after finally realizing you're not real? Santa, this is me we are talking about even you would ask God to help me.  But that's me not my kids. My kids believe in you and it's pretty awesome witnessing the magic unfold.

Sure you're a real person but your legacy has turned a money making machine. People kill in your name: Nike Air Jordan Gamma Blue. Humanity has taken what you've taught and completely change it around into a religion. And everyone gives their tithes and offering to the Almighty on Black Friday.People are forgetting what you stood for, giving gifts to the poor. Not to a snot nose rich kid who has everything and also wants an Xbox One and PS4.  You're now in commercials promoting products saying that this will be the best Christmas gift and blah blah blah. Drink Coke this holiday season! How could kids be good kids if you want them to drink soda?

But don't worry Santa, I don't blame you for anything. I keep my children away from TV, greed, and Coke. There is hope for Christmas and it will go back to what it was originally meant for. To help the poor. Only once a year? One step at a time.

Merry You -Father Christmas- Kringle-
Nicholas and a Happy New Year!

Sunday, December 15, 2013

A Woman's World

Ladies I am talking to you. Not calling men. Only ladies. I am talking to ALL women: young, old, smart, dumb, classy, promiscuous, career oriented, WIC using, drug addicted, celebrity (same as drug addicted), mothers, daughters, doctors, nurses, firefighters, police officers and military personnel.  It's time for you to take over. Take over what? Everything. Everything? Everything. Men are done. We are tired and it's about time for women to pick up the bill so we can save our money and buy something kick ass for ourselves. Think about this fellas... wouldn't it be nice if  your woman bought you a nice watch and took you to dinner? You'd have enough money for an Xbox One and a PS4!

"No way Mike, I am not gonna be the chick in this relationship. I'll pay for shit and run this planet!"

 If women were in charge of everything, that would give us time to do whatever we wanted. Some say bullshit. I say you are not really thinking about this. Women would be so consumed with making this planet a better place, they wouldn't have time to nag us to do anything. All you would have to say would be these magic words, "Aren't you suppose to be saving the world right now?" and off they would go to create free energy, improve schools, make world peace, explore the galaxies, and provide sustainable jobs for every other woman. And while they are busy doing that, we could watch Ronda Rousey get half naked with another woman and let our imaginations run wild about hopefully having a threesome with our significant other. Oh it's only in my dreams, because the reality will never happen and I am okay with that.

Men, we've had it all wrong. We are not supposed to take charge and be in front of the camera. We are supposed to be spectators viewing God's greatest creation... the woman. And if we were smart enough to just simply look at women, the world wouldn't be what it is today. We wouldn't have to worry about jobs or money and their wouldn't be stress. The world would be clean, at peace and with lots of naked ta tas everywhere. Are you getting the point now gentlemen?

Everything has a beginning and what if the beginning of our existence has been cocked blocked. What if Adam and Eve also had a friend named Steve? Get all the Adam and Steve jokes out of your system now and then read on.

Good. Now what if Adam, Eve and Steve grew up together?  As kids they played and had the whole world to themselves. No one telling them what to do or how to act, just complete freedom.  But when they finally got to a certain age they were experiencing new feelings and they didn't know how to control it. They went to God for help and God said "Eve you must procreate but you can only choose one partner." Eve was in a predicament not knowing what decision to make. "I can't do this Lord... I can't choose -"  "I'll do it God" said Adam.  What if Adam cocked blocked Steve?  Maybe Steve was devastated so he left and became a drug addict. Maybe that changed the world to the crap hole it is today. Amen.

Ladies it's time for you to clean up Man's mess and I apologize for all mankind. I am not saying to vote Hilary Clinton into office as our next president. I don't trust anyone that is in politics: male, female, young, old, white or black. They are all liars who work for liars who create more lies. I am 32 years old and I am tired of hearing "I promise this, cut down that, create this, bring back blah blah blah." We need to start thinking about forming a new society without politics, war, poverty and money. But man can't do it, we fucked everything up already with our egos. We are just running around in circles buying new shit every day.

It's time to man up ladies, after all it is called Mother Earth for a reason. We need you to nurture it.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

How could I not write about Nelson Mandela?

You would think I would be a damn fool not to write about Nelson Mandela.  I know in my previous blog I wrote about Paul Walker, but I felt bad for him. And as a father who lost a father, it sucks losing one and I can imagine the pain my daughters would go through if I wasn't here. Now you can see the angle I was writing from. Not to capitalize on his name and make money (thanks for the fans though, they are in need for a new leader. Follow me  I was being mindful  and I wanted to uplift a tragic story.  Am I getting soft at my age? When you're angry for most of your life and finally letting go of that anger  you  become compassionate  which is a sign of maturity.  So the answer is yes, I'm becoming soft and now it's time for me to man up.

 Paul Walker is old news, we all need to get over it. If you think about it  he didn't really do that much. Compared to who am I writing about now his name alone has achieved more success and love than any other name today. A dedicated peace maker who went to prison for 26 years to then become President of South Africa for which he saved a country from civil war, that's worth more than any box office hit. Sorry Paul Walker, you may be the Jesus of Nitrous but you are no Mandela.

I can barely forgive my family if they piss me off,  I can't imagine loving anything after 26 years in prison. Yet to lead a nation into victory while promoting peace and love. Maya Angelo said it best "The one thing we can learn from Nelson Mandela is forgiveness" If Nelson Mandela's soul purpose in life was to teach humanity how to forgive then Mission Accomplished, your grace here on Earth has affected everyone. I can be the first to admit that I need to forgive myself and start forgiving others.

  Don't forget that he won the Noble Peace Prize because he followed his heart. You might learn a thing or two President Obama aka Bizzaro Mandela. He  didn't win this prestigious award for just becoming a President. Perhaps letting our troops come home, veto the NDAA act,  stop the NSA from spying on us, trust your people and love them the way Mandela did for South Africa.   I don't hate you Obama, nor our government because I have Mandela'd you. That means forgive. Although most of your administration  deserve 26 years of imprisonment to learn a thing or two about love. I am not going to get angry,  this blog isn't gonna be my rampage Alex Jones bull horn, soap box , fear The New World Order, George Orwell's 1985 banter. Not this blog, the next ones sure but not this one.  This is blog is dedicated to forgiveness, love and losing a great man.

I was lucky enough to know his name throughout  my childhood till now. I am very thankful that he did live amongst  us and I was able to witness his legacy unfold.  His death should not be a day of saddness but a day for us to rejoice, live and learn his teachings.

Thank you Nelson Mandela for everything that you have done for humanity.  We will never forget your words because they are too powerful to ignore.

“People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite... Man's goodness is a flame that can be hidden but never explained.”- Nelson Mandela

Monday, December 2, 2013

You can't make fun of Paul Walker.

I am so thankful that I wasn't one of those people who said stupid  shit about Paul Walker . Just mindless people online not  realizing what they are saying.  Take the time to think about something to say instead of  blurt out  the first thing that comes to your mind. That's the whole purpose of thinking, try it sometime you might actually become smart. 
"I always wanted to read people's minds but because of  the internet I changed my mind."- Ironically I found that  quote online.

It's called Social Networking for a reason;  for us to  communicate instead of  wasting time on bashing each other. And honestly with the Paul Walker and Roger Rodas( Yes I remembered the drivers name.) the jokes were getting old fast. No, I wasn't furious in case you were looking for me to insert Fast and Furious joke.   You can't make fun of Paul Walker because this story is too tragic.
 " Yeah but he's a celebrity and he is getting all the attention. What about other people who have died? No recognition there. RIP Everyone else blah blah blah I am a fucking idiot" 

 His story is different because you never heard anything bad or seen him in the tabloids. He was never  intoxicated pissing in public, or Dancing with the Has Beens/ or "Comebacks".  He was on his way to a charity event.  Not to mention that he died before Christmas, another reason why you shouldn't make fun of Paul Walker. And finally, he was re- uniting his relationship with his daughter. That alone deserves first class ticket to Heaven. How many dead beat Dad's are out there?  Rich and poor. Plenty.  

I say we  give Paul Walker the attention he deserves. For we raise our glasses and give toast to Paul Walker. We will never forget Varsity Blues, Joy Ride, Running Scared, and of course  The Fast and The Furious franchise. Except for Toyko Drift. That never happened. You will be remembered for generations.

Cheers to  you  Paul Walker  "The Jesus of Nitrous"  

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

The Real Thanksgiving.....

This photo is the only reason why I wanted to write this blog. This is my family and I am very thankful for them.  What more can I ask for? Honestly, absolutely nothing. As long as I have my family, I will have everything.  And I will protect my family with my life. Without them, I would be just like my friends. I take that back, I would be worse than my friends. I would be in bad shape. And my friends are in really bad shape. Here are my friends : A Man Child, A Rageaholic, A Forever Swinging Bachelor( Yeah one of those you'll see in his 50's wearing an earing.) A fake tough guy who is actually sensitive , I mean realllly sensitive. Not even  Gays would want to flip this one .  One date with this guy they would say " No dick is not worth that amount of agony. " And you shouldn't, trust me. To top it off he's an idiot.  No common sense whatsoever. Stay away from this one. Men and women. 

But who am I to judge?  If I didn't have my family, I would be ALL of the above or dead. I am not saying that my friends should start a family. Seriously, them procreate? You're fine boys, trust me.  But I needed to be a father. I needed to have a family. And I didn't even realize how much I needed them. 

  A full time Father/Husband/ Stand up Comedian is not easy. Especially for stand up. The only way to make it as a  great comedian is that you have to dedicate your whole life to it. You must soak up everything  all around you for comedy. Thinking and writing comedy 24/7. But as a family man, I can't. I don't  get to have that time, because it's not fair them. They didn't choose a life of a stand up comedian. Not to mention  I am not an easy person to live with but I've been changing my ways. I still need a lot of work, but I will change for them.  

That's why I can't stand Thanksgiving, seeing people that I don't care see nor  call on  regular basis. We say our hellos, hugs and respects. Then we sit down with our fake smiles and bull shit about mindless whatever and then we say" Hey great thanksgiving. I will see you next year"  If it was up to me; my perfect  Thanksgiving would be me, my wife and kids, and few of my friends.  My kids need a play date and they can teach my friends responsibility. Plus we all would drink, eat and watch Bob's Burgers. Paradise. But it's not about me it's about what they want. Sure it sounds fun, but my kids love visiting everyone. Wait a second, maybe theirs something wrong with me and everyone hates hanging out with me?  If I wasn't a father, I wouldn't think this through nor have the compassion to think about this.  Thank you family! That is why I will do whatever they want me too. I owe it to them.  

My family  loves me and supports my comedy dream. And I am truly living the dream, but without them it would be a nightmare. The love they give me is the most amazing feeling anyone could imagine.  Whenever I come home from a shitty gig they are there and love me as much as if I got a standing ovation. It doesn't matter to them, because they love me for me. They also give me the encouragement take leaps and bounds to whatever I want to achieve. When I am with them it feel invinceable. 

To my wife and beautiful girls, I love you very much and very thankful to have you. Forever and always.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Monday, November 18, 2013


This is your brain telling you to stop with everything right now! No this isn't Mike Betancourt blogging. This is your brain telling you to stop with everything right now! Are you starting to see a pattern?
This is your brain telling you to stop with everything right now! Stop!

Now that I have your attention, let's discuss why we need to stop with everything right now.

Listen up Will Robinson , too much information will create an overload. You need to do the following to prevent Mind -Malfunction.

1. Read a book- Noticed I said a book not an article online.  Do not spend all day online. Take time to read a book.  Yes I know it's ironic that you have to go online to read this blog and for me to tell you to stay off line and read a book. After you read this blog, then read a book. It wont hurt me.

2. Turn off your TV. - There are too many frequencies  on television that can alter my wave of thinking. From the ticker that you see on CNN, to loud commercials, to  Spongebob Squarepants. It is terrible for me and it's making me laz.....Uh shoot I feel asleep for a second. Sorry about that.  See Too much TV, I spoke Inglish well. Although, nothing is wrong with watching a movie. Especially Man of Steel- Best Superman Flick ever made.

3.  Meditate- Not only will meditating calm you down, but it allows me to rest, recollect and recharge. And yes, sleeping helps out too. Combination  of meditating and getting 6-7 hours of sleep a night, will keep me sharp.

4. Cut out the junk food- Everything that comes in a box or package is bad for me. Stop poisoning me with crap! Everytime you eat junk food it clogs my  vision. It sucks. 5 hour energy crack is not what I asked for.

5. Positive thinking- Not only will positive thinking  help me come up with brilliant ideas, but it will also keep me happy. And when I am happy, you're happy which leads to everyone else being happy. Fear, doubt, hate, and anger  can stay with junk food.

6. Have fun- Draw, paint, play music, or just being creative everyday is what you need in your life. Also go out side and enjoy the Sun and fresh air. Unless you live in China where the smog is so thick they have to shut down schools for a day. Then stay inside and online, it's actually healthier for you.

7. Love- Do I really need to explain this?

Listen to me everyone. Follow these rules. Make me happy and keep me happy.

Thank you.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Veterans Day

There is nothing more disgusting when I see a holiday being taking for granted. Especially for Veterans Day. "10% off on all Sales. Get your bull shit product today!"

Really Corporate America? What's next the 9/11 blow out sale? It wouldn't surprise me. Give it 10 more years tops and you'll see 9/11 sales all over Automalls. Listen up, blood has been shed on a battle field. And you want to exploit that for your personal gain? Are any of these profits going back to the Vets and their family? Don't answer that, we already know the answer.

That is not what we Veterans signed up for. To be continued propaganda for profit. If anything it should be a day of remembrance. It should be a day where we remember everyone's name who we lost in battle. Both sides. After all, aren't we just following orders. We believe what was told to us without question, because we loved our country. We had great pride when we wore our uniforms and felt like we were worth something when we came home. People would cheer us on, and shake our hands, buy us drinks, and always say "Thank you for your service". We would smile and soak up all the attention because hell after all we deserved it. We were doing something that no one else in our family would step up to do. Or we came from a bloodline that we continued the tradition.  Don't forget about the  Montgomery GI Bill. Let's be honest Vets, you like that free schooling. Don't lie.

But what about the ones that got kicked out over some bull shit reason?  What about the ones who got kicked out after 4 years of service with a good conduct medal and was Nominated for a Navy Achievement Award. Yeah that's what happened to me. Don't worry this is not going to be a woe is me thing. Because that's not what we were trained to do. No, we were trained to pick up ourselves and move forward. I don't want to get off topic and it's a really long story on how I got kicked out, with Honorable Conditions. Not Honorable Discharge. Meaning I didn't get the dough. If you want to hear more about my story, come see me live at one of my shows.  Remember this, I am not the only one who got kicked out over some stupid reasons. I know a plethora of fellow Vets who got kicked over some real bull shit reasons. If anyone else is out there who got screwed over from the Military  contact me, I would love to hear your story.

But back to what I was originally talking about. What happens to us Vets when we get out?  Nothing. Just some bull shit transfer me out class and on your way. That's it. Which is kind of odd, because the Military spends so much time transforming us into them and they don't have the audacity to transform us back when we're done. No therapy? No psych evaluation? No meditation? Nothing? Nope, because THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT US! Plain and simple. In their eyes we are expendables , a gear, a pee on.

I don't believe that. And here is what I posted on facebook which inspired me to write this blog " Whatever your feelings you have about our government and the world today, just remember that everyone who enlisted believed in one thing. Honor not corruption. My fellow Veterans, remember the vow we made: To protect this country against all enemies foreign and domestic. Your duty isn't over because you are not wearing a uniform. You're still worth something and you can still make a difference in this world. Protect your family which is humanity . Happy Veterans Day!" 

It's true Veterans, you're still worth something. When I got home, I was tired, exhausted and embarrassed. I didn't know how to function, my first three months I was stuck in my room drinking whiskey and playing cards by myself. That void of being there for someone went away. I didn't know what my purpose was anymore. But I finally found it, I am a Father who loves his family very much. I will do anything for them and I will protect them from any danger. That is what I was trained to do. I have to protect my family by protecting Humanity. You can do the same Veterans. Pick up yourself  and rise above everything. Don't fear the New World Order. Don't fear the economic collapse. Don't fear anything.

Remember your  core values  Honor. Courage. Commitment.

Happy Veterans Day!

Monday, October 28, 2013

Get these F'N kids out F'N side!

ATTENTION PARENTS, SINGLE PEOPLE AND ANYONE WHO HATES BEING AROUND CHILDREN!  Yes I am going to announce the blog title immediately.

                                         GET THESE F'N KIDS OUT F'N SIDE!

From a parents point of view: It is the best feeling in the world to see your kids smile. To hear them laugh. And witness their genius through their imagination.

From a singles point of view: Fellas there are a ton, I mean a TON of hot single MILFS at a park. Holy cow! Do you know how you can tell a who is a  good woman ? If their children are the best kids in the world, smart,  well respected and driven. Stay away from that Mom, she is a dirt bag. Kids always want to be opposite from their parents. Remember that.

Don't worry ladies, I haven't forgotten about you. In order to find out who is a good man, you don't go to the man who is playing with their child. He's not a good person.

He could be the following:

1. Fake and just wants to get laid and never call you again.

2. A child molester and you should call 911.

3. A serial killer and giving this kids it's last rights or using that kid as bait to kill you. Again call 911.

The best way to find out if is he is a good man you need to go to their friend next to him who has children. About 99% of the time that friend is gonna be a damn good wingman. And he wants to live viciously through him, so he is gonna set him up for the spike. And yes laides he will call you again, because that wingman wants his single friend to have a kid so they can enjoy their misery together. Boom you're welcome!

And for the people who hate being around  kids: You can enjoy watching your TV in peace,  eat at a quiet restaurant in tranquility, or enjoy the bar. Trust me there will be plenty of people there too. Misery loves company, and misery needs to get laid.

Now, does everyone see the benefits of having kids play outside? It not only develops imagination for the children, but it creates an amazing social environment for everyone.  While the kids are playing, getting fresh air, parents and single ready to mingle adults can come together and talk about real issues.

Such as:

1. Who wants to party at my house? - That's it.

And then when we are at someone's house getting drunk, eating like royalty we can then discuss about how our system is ruining everything. From the environment, war, economy and our children being brainwash to think only one way. Remember grades don't determine how smart you are. It determines how well you can consume information. And a lot of us can't even do that right, but that doesn't make us stupid. We need each other, respect each genius the same.

" True knowledge exist in knowing that you know nothing"- Socrates

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Friday, October 18, 2013


Operator: 911 what is your emergency!

Me: (Crying) Help me!

Operator: What is your emergency sir?

Me: I've been raped! (Crying) Oh my God, I have been raped! Help me.

Operator: Sir what is your location?

Me:  I kept saying no!

Operator: What is your location?

Me: (Crying) I'm on the couch right now.

Operator: Sir, is your TV on?

Me: Yes.

Operator: Turn it off sir. Turn it off now.

And that is what Television has done to me. It's finally raped my mind. There is nothing left up here except for my pituitary gland, which is smaller than a pea. I have no idea what I am doing in this place. Seriously, why am I sitting on my ass watching TV? What is so good about watching show after show after show after show after show. " Because I've been busy all day, I just want to sit and veg and go numb"- Then take some drugs. Weed, LSD, Mushrooms, Acid if needed. Never tried it nor want to go that far. Weed of course. We all do it don't lie. I bet teachers are the biggest pot heads. Yes all teachers . Lord knows they need to smoke the most out of all of us. No way would I put up with all those kids every day and still be able to have a smile afterwards. Puff away Teach!

Let's be honest everyone. I am not some kind of hippie saying " We can't let the corporation take us down, so we can free our minds man. "   All I'm sayin is  "We CAN'T LET CORPORATIONS TAKE US DOWN , WE NEED TO FREE OUR"


Don't believe me? Do your research. But here read up on this first:

Why hasn't this news been a #1 issue? Why is there no State of Emergency? Because they figured we're fucked anyways. Why bother?   So what if it's over for the West Coast for the next 16 billion years, look on the bright side. 11 million years from now ,  the ring of debris around Mars will clash into the surface of our planet nearly killing every little thing in it's site. That generation is really fucked!

Fear not fellow Mutants, for we shall not worry. If I was you, I would stop paying bills not giving a shit about everything. Except family, food, fun, drinks, drugs and the beach. Ooops, I wouldn't go there. 

Actually, now that I think about it. Now I see why there are so many shows for us to watch. We've been lobotomized.

Anyone want to watch One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest with me? Great flick.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Have you ever thought?

Have you ever thought, that one day our existence would finally make sense. But will it ever make sense? Is it suppose to make sense? Why are things the way they are? Most people say things are the way they are because it's modern society. "This world we live in and you need to join this rat race or be left behind."
 But why? Why are we the only species that has to pay for everything on this planet? If we are on top of the food chain, then why pay for it? I say not enlave us, I say enslave monkeys and have them work for us... Wait, we all know where that ends up.........YOU MANIACS!  YOU BLEW IT UP

We are in the 21st century and yet we are still living in the times of Nobels.  Where the haves and have nots rule. If we evolved with technology becoming a living organism where we can communicate with anyone at our finger tips; computers are now being designed to become contact lens, virtual reality becoming more of a reality, then why do we have to pay for anything. Why can't we design a system where everyone can benefit from? Oh you mean a socialistic society? No thanks Mike Obama!

No, not a socialist, or communist, or democratic, but a society for Humanity . Instead of pledge allegiance to a flag that basically claims territory, and if you aren't with this flag you are lower than dirt. But why not pledge allegiance to this planet. To promise to up hold the environment mother nature intended. And to love, honor and respect another. With out war, hatred, greed.

World Peace? Yeah not in this life time.  I am not trying to be a negative Nancy, but our world is more than fucked up. It's  mentally challenged. And everyone is mad, frustrated, stressed out of everything this world has to offer. No one can see the future. They rather escape and dedicate their lives to sports, TV, movies, drugs, and the list goes on and on. Please don't think I am judging anyone, I am guilty of all these things. But hey, at least I am thinking about it. Thinking about change, having inner peace and teaching my children about how to change the future.

It's cliche but the kids are our future. And we need to change the way they think. From everything we've been taught and brainswashed from our history to our present day. We need to stop that evil cycle and have them teach us. Make it not a hierarchy relationship" I am your father and you will listen to me!" But  more of a mentor. As your father, I am just  a guide. I am here to nurture your strengths and help you with your weakness.

I know, it's a lot of work. It's gonna take time away from a lot of fun things. But we have to. This generation got the short end of the stick. This generation is fucked, but future generation isn't. There is hope for them. We can make their lives better and we can be the pioneers for Humanity.

Uncle Ben said it best " With Great powers comes...."  You know the rest. You have the power!

Monday, August 26, 2013

Back at the Blog!

What better way to say that you are back then having Eric Bischoff's entrance theme saying you are back. Yes I am a wrestling nerd, always have and always will be. From WWF(not E) to ECW, WCW, AWA, NWA, TNA, APW, FSW, and ROH. I am a fan of Rasslin and I use the psychology of rasslin in my everyday life, on stage and in film. Thank you Rasslin. Why am I spelling it Rasslin and not Wrestling? Only Rasslin fans will understand.

Before I go off topic and just focus on rasslin, here are a few reasons why I haven't been blogging
1. I've too been lazy to blog.
2. I've been on vacation.
3. I've been busy on the road with Stand up comedy.
4. I am also in Stand Up  comedy group called The Mikes ( Four comics named Mike with four different styles)
5. I've been producing a short film.

Which leads to this blog now. To brag. I am just being honest but it feels really damn good to finally finish something I've started. Actually  I can't say I finished a film that I started. That is not true. It was the following. My friend/ writing/business partner JD Flom and our crew finished our first official film EVELYN.

Evelyn: Dectective Ray LaMont, bored with his job and distant from his wife, takes a case that leaves him searching for stolen items and having his priories tested.

We've had a lot of bumps in the road to even get a movie finished. First off JD was battling cancer, he beat it. We both went to a friends funeral, I went to six other funerals after that, JD getting into a car accidents, our Lead actors in another film we originally wanted to work on bailed out on us, the list goes on and on. But with me bugging JD, and him striving to write something, we had our script. We found a solid cast and amazing crew. And the rest is history. Six months later, WE ARE DONE!  JD and I are submitting Evelyn into film festivals too. Whew, that's a lot there.

Am I forgiven for not writing my blog? Nope, keep pushing. You're right, I should always find time to write to my fans. But if I am not writing you can find me on my websites or  Add me on facebook;, Follow me on twitter;, Subscribe my YouTube page ;,  or Vine with me. ( You can find me on Vine with these other accounts)

I am always around and will always be busy with something, just know that a few things will be neglected once and a while but I will always be working and entertaining each and everyone of you. That's why I do it. Not for the billions of potential dollars. Who wants to be rich anyways? Being rich is so 1998, pfft. It's never about the money, it's about creating an art form to attract money, to create more art. See, there is a difference.

To all  my fans who have been supporting me and Don't Smile Productions, hang tight. More exciting stuff coming your way. We just tapped the surface.

Thank you for all the support!

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Monday, May 27, 2013

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Monday, May 13, 2013

Open Mike Episode 24: Neighborhood Watch

Epic is no longer Epic any more.

A long poem, typically derived from oral tradition, narrating the deeds and adventures of heroic or legendary figures or the history of...

Whenever I use to hear the word Epic I would think of something that had giant leaps and bounds explained in one word. Just like the picture you see above, which is the Starry deep outer space of the Nebula and Galaxy. Just look at this creation, what great wonders of outer space which has been around for billions of years. The energy source, the vivid colors, stars within in solars systems within planets within other planets, possible other life forms and parrallel universe within it's self. Just end less possibilities and we are actually apart of this supreme Super Nova.  Wow, Epic!

But epic has lost it's umph. It's been over used in everything we do. Epic Meal time, Epic Rap Battles of History( Which is actually my favorite and the rap battles are pretty damn good) This movie was epic( and there is a movie called Epic) , my shoes that I bought, epic, this car that I drove, epic, this new camera on my phone,  epic, epic, epic, everything is epic now.. eh.  It's just not the same anymore and I think epic needs to go away for a while. It's time to think of another word that would have I can't believe I am going to say this, Epic Proportions. But it does. It needs to change, I am just not a fan of Epic this and Epic that.

Maybe it's just me getting older and I'm not hip with what the kids are saying now a days. But I don't care about what the kids are saying now a days, because I am not a kid. I'm an adult who lived through times before the internet, was around when 2 pac and Biggie were alive, listen to Nirvana, watched Beavis and Butthead, saw Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ( The first movie) I was always kind and rewind and the world would stop when someone mention Epic because it had meaning behind it.

I will miss you Epic. You were a part of my life but I must say good bye for now until we can actually travel through time with out 1.21 gigawatts. Then.......

Monday, April 15, 2013

The Decay in Humanity!

              Whenever my mind is empty I refuse to keep it that way, I want to fill it up with something. Read, write , rinse and repeat. Too much crap is going on TV which isn't good. Look at every single show you see and you will notice that it keeps you from learning. Here's my theory about TV and Social Networking sites: They are meant to empty your brain. Empty all your thoughts and ideas onto a news feed and you can "look at it later" Well, this experiment is working, if you don't believe me, look at the new app called VINE. 

(From Wikipedia) Vine is a mobile app by Twitter that enables its users to create and post short video clips. Video clips created with Vine have a maximum length of six seconds and can be shared or embedded on a variety of social networking services

I am not against this app because you use this to your advantage. But if you look at a majority of these videos, you can liberality feel the decay in humanity. The average attention span is now milliseconds and it's getting shorter each day. I wonder how may people have read the beginning of this blog, saw the picture, notice there are a lot of words and said, "Screw this, I am gonna tweet something"

For those who are still reading this, I congratulate you. You are the chosen one's who will survive when the Nukes strike and exterminate the weak minded. Now don't get me wrong, I am not the smartest person in the world, but my average brain is actually becoming on top of the food chain, which is a scary thing. If I am the smartest person in the world, God help HUMANITY. The movie "Idiocracy" is coming to life. Which is funny and scary at the same time, "Ooo Ow My Balls!"

So I end this with a positive note; thank you for reading, thank you for writing and thank you for always learning. And feel free to teach me things as well

" True knowledge exist in knowing that you know nothing" Socrates

Tuesday, March 19, 2013


This photo was taken by Michael O'Connell at March Mikeness 3/13/2013 at The Punchline in Sacramento, CA. 
This day was my awakening. This is the day that my eyes were finally open. A day in stand up comedy that every comedian that goes through it and finally sits down and say " Yeah, now I got it, now I know where I need to go. It's time to erase everything and start all over again" 
Re-inventing yourself is a thing we need to do, but not as comedian/performers , but as people. WE, here on Earth need to re-invent ourselves.  It's the only way. Your only revolution  now is change your way of thinking.
When you can change the way you think, you wont need anything else. You won't need to rely on anyone.....EVER. You would love everyone to help everyone, without ever thinking about money. Because we won't need it. But enough about everyone, let's talk about me and my awakening. I said it was an awakening, I am still to self centered to ever be a Messiah.  
Now back to the picture. This picture reminds me of my father. That's the first thing I noticed was that my Father use to sit like that with his notebook as he prepared himself for his Sunday's Sermon. My Father, Jose Betancourt was a preacher. I was always in awe whenever my father preached. He would silent a room and make it erupt anytime. My father was very captivating. And I will always miss him. He died when I was 17 years old. 

Losing my father was devastating, I didn't know what to do. I didn't have anyone guiding my way. All that guilt and anger only festered. And it only got worse when I joined the Navy, and then when I got kicked out of the Navy, the anger grew. And kept growing. Then I got into stand up. But it made it worse, because there were booze and women and drugs and more women. That didn't nurture anything either. You would think after being married with two girls, that would calm me down. Pfft yeah right,do you think a house-full of women would calm me down? ( Come see me at a show and I will talk more about it)
So here I am 8 years in stand up, no TV credit, no billion fans on the internet just a frustrated angry comic that has hit a wall. And it was driving me crazy, I didn't know what else to do. There was only one thing to do. Change my way of thinking. After going to my 7th funeral of the year I was done. I was tired. I took a huge  blow  after the last funeral I went too. 10 year old Sy Sherman passed away from cancer. I met him through my wife's friend. We did a benifit show for him at the San Jose Improv. If you ever want to know what my BEST show was, it was Sy Sherman's benefit show. F-Cancer! I made him my co-host, I put him on a dolly and ran around on stage with him. Then he was being chased by T-rex and he shot me, sorry Him with a shotgun. Good aim Sy!  And I am truly thankful for everyone who supported that show and the comics who came out and performed. Arnie Ponce, Jeff Applebaum and Joe Klocek. I will always be in debt to them. Ever since Sy's funeral I was tired of being angry. I started to meditate. 
As I meditated I started to ask "Why?" Why am I  angry with the audience? Why am I frustrated with my act? Why am I angry at home?  Why? Why? Why? Why? And it was quite simple.... My Dad wasn't with me.Physcially. I know the cliche"He's always with you Micahel." Blah blah, I couldn't hear him, As I started to think about him and what he did that was right. I started to search into myself and I finally got it.  I finally can see where I need to be. I can finally see my path. I can finally  hear my voice. If you think I am funny now, just wait and see 10 years from now. Or witness the evolution. 
Thank you Dad for everything.

Thursday, February 28, 2013


Alrighty everyone. Let's sit up straight, cross our legs. Hands on our knees, palms up. Eyes closed. Now breathe. Inhale. Exhale.  Very good. Let's try again. Inhale. Exhale. Excellent one more time.  Inhale. Exhale. Good. Now let's begin. Ooooooooooommmm. Ooooommm. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOh shit everyone needs to relax and chillmmmmmmmmm.

That's exactly what we need to do. Take a deep breath and relax. Every man woman and child, should take their time out of their day and just reflect, relax, and read. That's it.  Sound pretty easy to do doesn't it. Meditate everyday and realize that life isn't as bad as you think it is. I know it's hard to relax, especially with  mainstream media always throwing fear in our faces: ECONOMY COLLAPSE, TERRORISM, FEAR, GUN CONTROL, DRONES, FEAR, HEALTH CARE, CRIMINALS, YOUR FOOD ISN'T SAFE, BUY MORE JUNK.FEAR. DRINK CRAP. EAT SHIT. FEAR FEAR FEAR FEAR FEAR FEAR FEAR FEAR FEAR FEAR FEAR! 

How could anyone relax with that type of environment?  With the stress of bills and gas prices on the rise again,  how can we survive and just shut the world off? Real simple solution: TURN OFF YOUR FUCKING TV. There is absolutely nothing good on TV. I know, I can't believe I am saying this. My grandma use to say that old saying to me all the time. " TV ROTS YOUR BRAIN Michael, Go play out side!"

And she was right, because TV did rot my brain. I don't know about you, but I am pretty much a program. I always quote fucking commercials and TV shows, WE ARE FARMERS...... Show me that smile again... Call JG Wentworth 877-Cash Now!  Commercials, Commercials, Commercials. Even  radio sucks, I heart radio, pfft. Where are all the rock em bands, the rebels? I miss you Pantera! Too many damn talk shows, and podcast about becoming a freedom fighter and we need to take a stand. Down with Tyranny!!!!!!! FIGHT BACK!!! NOW!!! Arggh. It's too much. Too much nosie on both sides of the spectrum. I hate it, it's all noise and it needs to stop now!!! Ahh that's better.

Folks, we just have to realize this, none of us are going to get our asses out of our homes and protest for anything. There's no need. Your electricity is still on. There's food in your refrigerator. Sure Mike now it is, but what about 10 years from now when this economy collapses and we become slaves to our Government and don't forget about the  NDAA ACT! They can push the button on that at any time! Then what? What happens then!!!!
Well we can worry about the future when the future is here. But that will never happen. The future will never be here because you will always live in the present. Live everyday . Live in the present moment and enjoy what is going around you.  Forget about the past and don't even think about the future. 

Whatever happens in our lives wont last forever, even if the New World Order takes over, fuck it, I'll worry about it when it happens. Right now, I am not going to stress a thing. I am just going to write my blog on my computer and write something inspiring just like Doogie Howser would do after every show. Ok here we go

(Insert Doogie Howser MD Closing Theme Song here)

February 28th 2013...Today I see one thing. I see my fingers typing each key. I am  trying to figure out one thing. What am I going to do tomorrow? But is that thinking too far into the future? Will the future be known as soon as I send this? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootise roll pop...

The world may never know.

Monday, February 4, 2013

Random video of the day: Dia De Los Muertos

The Mikes ( Laugh's Unlimited Commercial)



Wow what a game! Back and forth, up and down. The controversy. The Drama. Amazing catches, and comebacks! We almost won.....

I hate to break the news, but WE DIDN'T LOSE.  Even if the 49ers won, WE DIDN'T WIN.  We are not the team. We are only spectators wasting our time and money on a over commercialized game.  And yes, I know in my last blog I said I wouldn't watch the Superbowl because it was a Matrix just keeping us in the system. But I had to watch it and be apart it. I wore my 49er shirt, I cheered, I booed and I drank. Watching the Superbowl is like watching a car accident, you can't look away.

I am glad that I didn't look away because I had to realize that yesterday I wasted a shitload of time sitting in front of the TV, eating like crap and being completely lazy. But I am not the only one who did this. I am sure after the Superbowl millions of other people were feeling lethargic. How tired were you after watching a game that lasted nearly 5 hours? I am sure everyone was in a daze.

Well that is the whole purpose of the NFL. To keep their viewers in a daze. Not thinking. Drink Pepsi! Eat Pizza! Oh and Play 60. Listen to the NFL WE CONTROL YOUR MIND. WE TELL YOU HOW TO LIVE. NOW GIVE US YOUR MONEY. And money they stole. Did you know that the average Superbowl ticket cost $2300?  You're paying $2300 just to watch a football fly in the air.
And that's just tickets, that's not including : hotel, food, drinks and merchandise. Just a ticket to walk in the doors so you can say " I went to the Superbowl totally worth it" $2300 is worth your entertainment?

Don't forget the 30 second commercial ads which cost $4 million. That's roughly a 90% increase from 10 years ago! And how many Fucking commercials did you see yesterday? Exactly.

With all the money that the Superbowl made yesterday, did any of that go back to the fans? Or is anything going to be donated to the less fortunate? Nope. Next year tickets will sky rocket, jerseys will be more expensive and our team will have HOPE making it to the Superbowl.

No my friends the only true winners are Team owners and Corporate America stealing our money. You win Corporate America. You have my Federal Note yet again.

See you next year.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Play Ball!

When I look at these three men from left to right I think of this: Home run chase, MVP Asshole, and The Rocket.
 Sammy Sosa: In 1998 Sammy Sosa went up against Mark McGwire( Bash Brother Go A's) for the Home Run Chase. Who was going to be the first to break Roger Maris's record? If you were a true baseball fan,  you were glued to your television sets waiting and wondering. All they hype, build up and talk was all worth it! This was a milestone in baseball and it will never be the same again. Only one chance in a life time was this moment ever to be. This time was before Facebook, i-Pads, twitter and all other social media networking sites. This time was the end of the true baseball fan era.Where people interacted with others and talked about baseball.  Sure now people talk about baseball, but it's not the same it's all online. Like this blog. Before the chase, there was a strike and baseball was at an all time low. Thankfully God created Sosa and McGwire and these two titans clashed for the ultimate prize.  I was in high school at this time and I am thankful to witness what these two men created. A reason to watch baseball again. 

Barry Bonds: The MVP ASSHOLE! I say this with respect and spite at the same time. The only reason why I despise Barry Bonds is because he broke records while wearing a Giants uniform. I'm a A's fan, I have to hate the Giants. It's in my nature, once you cross over to the fag side, I don't like you any more. I.E Zito. Scutaro.  But Bonds broke barriers, he broke records and he did it with dedication and talent. And his record shows: 14 time All Star, 8 time Golden Glove, and of course Major League Home Run Record 762. Bonds gave his life for this game, need I say more.

Roger Clemens " The Rocket" : No other pitcher( besides Nolan Ryan) that I know can and would be on Roger Clemens level. I took this from Wikipedia because this pretty much sums up The Rocket: "Clemens was one of the most dominant pitcher in major league history, tallying 354 wins, a 3.12 earned run average(ERA), and 4,672 strikeouts, the third-most all time. An 11-time All-Star and two-time World Series champion, he won seven Cy Young Awards during his career, the most of any pitcher in MLB history. Clemens was known for his fierce competitive nature and for his hard-throwing pitching style that he used to intimidate batters"

Now why on God's green field would these men not be inducted into the the Hall of Fame? Because of Steriods?  Well Mike, steroids is a weapon for baseball players to cheat and that's wrong. Well let me tell you this, any ball player can inject themselves until the look like Hulk Hogan. That doesn't mean they can do what these men did. You still need to have the skill, and the dedication to accomplish these goals. If steroids are the only reason why these men are not inducted into the Hall of Fame, well it's  a stupid fucking reason. We are all wasting time, money, and efforts sending these men to court. For what? Roids?  If Casey Anthony can get away with murder then Sosa, Bonds, and Clemens can be inducted into the Hall of Fame. Plain and Simple. Baseball today has become a soap opera just like wrestling( I am on old school rasslin fan, so don't judge me when I make this comparison) ESPN, and all other sports analyst who judge athletes are full of shit. They are not playing on the field away from their families , doing what it takes to perfect their craft.
If you are going to send people to court and punish them, then you might as well punish everyone in congress, every scumbag big banker, every ad agency ruining the youth's minds  and every single oil mogul. Those are the ones that deserve have everything stripped from them. 
It's hard to  enjoy watching baseball   with these bull shit rules, we have enough of them in our daily lives ( NDAA ACT IS JUST ONE OF MANY) Why do we need more?

Well to me Sosa, Bonds, and The Rocket you deserve the best and I wish you well. Don't worry boys, you'll be just fine with your huge piles of cash comforting you. Hall of Fame is just a title. You are already legendary.