Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Pussy Riot galor!

Punk is back – for the right reason – finally! No more fake-Pepsi-filled-Target-shopping-wannabe-punk-songs! Your days are over! Thank God – and, by God, I mean whatever higher power you believe in. The list is too long and I don't want to get sidetracked. 

Would Good Charlotte do what Pussy Riot did? Exactly; you're fired GC! You're no longer allowed to be called “punk.”  Punk music is back in a big way, which is what we need.  No more hypnotic-corporate-music money! Hallelujah, there’s music that will make me think again! Excellent! Thank you Pussy Riot! I am on your side. You made a statement and I salute you. I must say "Putin Will Teach You how to Love" is pretty kick-ass, and, their video makes it even better...BECAUSE IT'S REAL! It doesn't get more Punk than that. 

And I can see Hollywood drooling over this project. How about a Martin Scorsese film? There's an idea. Leonardo DiCaprio can play Putin with Jonah Hill as Gorbachev. Yes we know Jonah is skinny again, but he can afford to put on some method acting weight, win an Oscar, then lose said vanity weight; and then, play an AIDS patient just in time to win another Oscar.  See, the story writes itself!  That alone is worth the price of admission, but knowing Hollywood, Pussy Riot will become an over saturated sellout machine."(Insert Band Name Here) will never sell out!"  See what I mean?

Keep rocking Pussy Riot! The world is awake and we are watching. Now, if we could just get off our asses and actually do something; well, that's a different story. I mean who is going to read this blog? Exactly. It's all about me and my gain. Oh crap I sound like Good Charlotte.

Watch their video and decide if they are truly PUNK!

Monday, February 17, 2014

Tim Burton! If you're going to make Beetlejuice 2 please listen to your fans.

If you're not going to End The Fed or protest for Humanity, then get off your soapbox  and listen up. Beetlejuice 2 is in everyone's mind. What does that mean for humanity? How about the very last ray of hope that something  from our childhood isn't crushed. Beetlejuice isn't just a masterpiece, it's more. He's you. Beetlejuice is everything you've always wanted to do but you can't. Absolute freedom to do whatever you fucking feel like. That's who. He's the iconic rebel without a cause, the ultimate prankster and if you look at this picture closely he looks a lot like Heath Ledger: or Philip Seymour Hoffman if you want something more recent. Congrats Philip, 16 days sober.( or enter number if you are reading this at a later date) 

Beetlejuice voice " It's a fucking joke!" Honk Honk!

Yeah I am ready to see Beetlejuice again. I just hope Hollywood doesn't screw this one up. How many have you heard that line? Why don't we do something about it? Let's do something really simple.  Let's send this blog to everyone and anyone including Tim Burton and Michael Keaton. I pray they read this blog and steal the idea I am about to impart. I am not asking for fame or fortune. Al I am asking in return is a GREAT FUCKING MOVIE!

Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Transformers, GI Joe, Anchorman 2( not from my childhood just wanted to add another movie) Do you really want Beetlejuice added to this list? No and HELL NO! Sure we can make a script and send it out or make a promo video but I am a no-name working comic, with kids and hustling to make my fan base grow. I don't have time for that. I wish I did, but I don't .You do Tim. So listen to the ones who are on your side. 

Ok here are my ideas:

First choice:
If you are going to make a sequel from a Cult classic which has a cult following then you need to keep the cult feel. Meaning: Shoot it the same way as if it was made from the 80's. Film, animatronics, special effects as if this movie was made a year after the first. Premise: Satan has taken over and enslaved mankind and only one person that can rescue humanity. That alone will make me fork over anything to watch this movie. 

Second choice:
Go dark. I mean really dark. Dark Knight dark. A revenge movie that isn't comedic, but scary. However, not a horror film. If Beetlejuice is going to have his revenge he isn't going to be happy. If he's angry, make the rest of the movie that way. 

Well that's all I have for an idea. I know isn't much, but I never said I would write a script. If you pay me or let this  blog get into the right hands, I would be more than happy to write a script. 

" No fucking way!"  Honk Honk!

Good point. 



Thursday, February 13, 2014

Happy Valentine's Day

There comes a time in a man's life where he realizes one thing. His destiny. Sure, we all dream about something and we all strive towards it, but when it's actually here in front of us, and it's real...well, that's when you know it's a good feeling. Gentlemen, allow me to let you in on a secret. A secret that can make your wife, girlfriend, mistress, side hoe, skank, prosititue, and/or hole in the wall happy is this. You must listen. That's it. Just listen, because all women want is for you to listen to their problems. That's how women communicate. They want someone to listen to everything they think is wrong with them, or their shitty day at work, or their family giving them crap. They need a shoulder to cry on. When you talk it out, the better you feel. Don't try to solve anything, don't give her advice. Just sit there and listen. And when she asks for your opinion, give it to her with an honest answer. And yes, it may distract you from the game and other things but you must listen. Listen to what your woman is trying to tell you. The faster she gets all of her problems out for her day the faster she will leave you alone. Right ladies? Wrong, you talk too damn much.

How single would I be if I ended the blog like that?  I'm dumb, not stupid. Ladies, we love you. You know we would do anything for you. Hell, you put up with our shit more than we put up with your shit. You have a better tolerance for annoyance. I respect that. I was never pregnant so I can't imagine WHAT THE F is wrong with your body. I was very lucky when my wife was pregnant. She was chill. Really chill. But my sister... There is no God...

We all know Valentine's Day is a bull shit money making holiday. So my advice to everyone, just love each other. You don't need a card to tell your wife you love her. You don't need a fancy dinner or an expensive ring. You don't need anything at all gentlemen. Except one thing. A massage. And not just a massage. A foot massage. An all day long foot massage. If you can massage her feet all day long, you wont need anything else.

" I am the foot fucking master" - Jules Winnfield

Monday, February 3, 2014

Worst Super Bowl Ever!

Now that the dust has settled and the smoke has cleared, we can all relax. I am sure Peyton Manning had enough ridicule for the day; but, wow what a shitty day at work where billions witnessed it all unfold and talk about you just like this blog. Holy crap that sucks! Whenever I bomb on stage I tend to beat myself up about it all week. After watching Peyton get crucified, I've learned to brush shit off, even if it's the big one.
It's just a game people and you shouldn't stress or dwell about it either.  Win or lose, they don't care about you. Plus, I am sure Peyton has already forgotten about Super Bowl XLVIII.  The man is making bank and he's living a dream, good or bad he is still living a dream. Congratulations on doing something that not a lot of people can say they can do. Hell I would love to lose at a Super Bowl, that alone is an experience in itself. 

Eliminate the Broncos from the Super Bowl because they obviously didn't show up, but other than that everything else just sucked about it.  It was too damn long and the commercials sucked. Except for Captain America: Winter Solider which comes out April 4th! Look at last year with the 49ers vs Ravens, power goes out and the day just drags on. (Go Niners! Hopefully without KantpassperNick. You're a false prophet!)

After watching football during the regular season I tend to be a little lethargic but on Super Bowl Sunday I am just downright brain dead.  Why is that? I am sure it's a lot of things; booze, food, and the mindless stare at the idiot box for nearly 6-7 hours straight, I am sure that didn't have any effect on anyone. Let's just pray that we were not subjected to any Pavlov's treatment with different sound waves, subliminal messages and flickering from your TV. Who knows if we were hypnotized and would start killing someone from a certain noise?

"Oh Mike you're a conspiracy theorist. You're tripping." Maybe, but how much of an idiot do you feel after watching 7 hours straight of TV? Exactly. I know I didn't want to read a book after that long, draining, exhausting, boring Super Bowl.  Uh, I am still tired. Yawn! Don't yawn otherwise you'll start Yaaawning. Ha ha you thought about it and started to yawn. Well at least you're not shooting someone after being brainwashed.
I really need to cut back on watching football. I don't know why I fall into that Super Bowl trap – especially if my team is not playing. What's the point in watching it? Especially if the SheHawks are playing. Richard Sherman and Russell Wilson need to find another team, because Karma will finally come around to Pete Carroll. The future of the SheHawks isn't bright! The End is Near!  Get out now while you have talent! 

Well Peyton you had a hell of a season and you scored a ton of points on my fantasy team!  And that is what truly matters.  Team SteamiN Mikey B-Man!