Tuesday, November 26, 2013

The Real Thanksgiving.....

This photo is the only reason why I wanted to write this blog. This is my family and I am very thankful for them.  What more can I ask for? Honestly, absolutely nothing. As long as I have my family, I will have everything.  And I will protect my family with my life. Without them, I would be just like my friends. I take that back, I would be worse than my friends. I would be in bad shape. And my friends are in really bad shape. Here are my friends : A Man Child, A Rageaholic, A Forever Swinging Bachelor( Yeah one of those you'll see in his 50's wearing an earing.) A fake tough guy who is actually sensitive , I mean realllly sensitive. Not even  Gays would want to flip this one .  One date with this guy they would say " No dick is not worth that amount of agony. " And you shouldn't, trust me. To top it off he's an idiot.  No common sense whatsoever. Stay away from this one. Men and women. 

But who am I to judge?  If I didn't have my family, I would be ALL of the above or dead. I am not saying that my friends should start a family. Seriously, them procreate? You're fine boys, trust me.  But I needed to be a father. I needed to have a family. And I didn't even realize how much I needed them. 

  A full time Father/Husband/ Stand up Comedian is not easy. Especially for stand up. The only way to make it as a  great comedian is that you have to dedicate your whole life to it. You must soak up everything  all around you for comedy. Thinking and writing comedy 24/7. But as a family man, I can't. I don't  get to have that time, because it's not fair them. They didn't choose a life of a stand up comedian. Not to mention  I am not an easy person to live with but I've been changing my ways. I still need a lot of work, but I will change for them.  

That's why I can't stand Thanksgiving, seeing people that I don't care see nor  call on  regular basis. We say our hellos, hugs and respects. Then we sit down with our fake smiles and bull shit about mindless whatever and then we say" Hey great thanksgiving. I will see you next year"  If it was up to me; my perfect  Thanksgiving would be me, my wife and kids, and few of my friends.  My kids need a play date and they can teach my friends responsibility. Plus we all would drink, eat and watch Bob's Burgers. Paradise. But it's not about me it's about what they want. Sure it sounds fun, but my kids love visiting everyone. Wait a second, maybe theirs something wrong with me and everyone hates hanging out with me?  If I wasn't a father, I wouldn't think this through nor have the compassion to think about this.  Thank you family! That is why I will do whatever they want me too. I owe it to them.  

My family  loves me and supports my comedy dream. And I am truly living the dream, but without them it would be a nightmare. The love they give me is the most amazing feeling anyone could imagine.  Whenever I come home from a shitty gig they are there and love me as much as if I got a standing ovation. It doesn't matter to them, because they love me for me. They also give me the encouragement take leaps and bounds to whatever I want to achieve. When I am with them it feel invinceable. 

To my wife and beautiful girls, I love you very much and very thankful to have you. Forever and always.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Monday, November 18, 2013


This is your brain telling you to stop with everything right now! No this isn't Mike Betancourt blogging. This is your brain telling you to stop with everything right now! Are you starting to see a pattern?
This is your brain telling you to stop with everything right now! Stop!

Now that I have your attention, let's discuss why we need to stop with everything right now.

Listen up Will Robinson , too much information will create an overload. You need to do the following to prevent Mind -Malfunction.

1. Read a book- Noticed I said a book not an article online.  Do not spend all day online. Take time to read a book.  Yes I know it's ironic that you have to go online to read this blog and for me to tell you to stay off line and read a book. After you read this blog, then read a book. It wont hurt me.

2. Turn off your TV. - There are too many frequencies  on television that can alter my wave of thinking. From the ticker that you see on CNN, to loud commercials, to  Spongebob Squarepants. It is terrible for me and it's making me laz.....Uh shoot I feel asleep for a second. Sorry about that.  See Too much TV, I spoke Inglish well. Although, nothing is wrong with watching a movie. Especially Man of Steel- Best Superman Flick ever made.

3.  Meditate- Not only will meditating calm you down, but it allows me to rest, recollect and recharge. And yes, sleeping helps out too. Combination  of meditating and getting 6-7 hours of sleep a night, will keep me sharp.

4. Cut out the junk food- Everything that comes in a box or package is bad for me. Stop poisoning me with crap! Everytime you eat junk food it clogs my  vision. It sucks. 5 hour energy crack is not what I asked for.

5. Positive thinking- Not only will positive thinking  help me come up with brilliant ideas, but it will also keep me happy. And when I am happy, you're happy which leads to everyone else being happy. Fear, doubt, hate, and anger  can stay with junk food.

6. Have fun- Draw, paint, play music, or just being creative everyday is what you need in your life. Also go out side and enjoy the Sun and fresh air. Unless you live in China where the smog is so thick they have to shut down schools for a day. Then stay inside and online, it's actually healthier for you.

7. Love- Do I really need to explain this?

Listen to me everyone. Follow these rules. Make me happy and keep me happy.

Thank you.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Veterans Day

There is nothing more disgusting when I see a holiday being taking for granted. Especially for Veterans Day. "10% off on all Sales. Get your bull shit product today!"

Really Corporate America? What's next the 9/11 blow out sale? It wouldn't surprise me. Give it 10 more years tops and you'll see 9/11 sales all over Automalls. Listen up, blood has been shed on a battle field. And you want to exploit that for your personal gain? Are any of these profits going back to the Vets and their family? Don't answer that, we already know the answer.

That is not what we Veterans signed up for. To be continued propaganda for profit. If anything it should be a day of remembrance. It should be a day where we remember everyone's name who we lost in battle. Both sides. After all, aren't we just following orders. We believe what was told to us without question, because we loved our country. We had great pride when we wore our uniforms and felt like we were worth something when we came home. People would cheer us on, and shake our hands, buy us drinks, and always say "Thank you for your service". We would smile and soak up all the attention because hell after all we deserved it. We were doing something that no one else in our family would step up to do. Or we came from a bloodline that we continued the tradition.  Don't forget about the  Montgomery GI Bill. Let's be honest Vets, you like that free schooling. Don't lie.

But what about the ones that got kicked out over some bull shit reason?  What about the ones who got kicked out after 4 years of service with a good conduct medal and was Nominated for a Navy Achievement Award. Yeah that's what happened to me. Don't worry this is not going to be a woe is me thing. Because that's not what we were trained to do. No, we were trained to pick up ourselves and move forward. I don't want to get off topic and it's a really long story on how I got kicked out, with Honorable Conditions. Not Honorable Discharge. Meaning I didn't get the dough. If you want to hear more about my story, come see me live at one of my shows.  Remember this, I am not the only one who got kicked out over some stupid reasons. I know a plethora of fellow Vets who got kicked over some real bull shit reasons. If anyone else is out there who got screwed over from the Military  contact me, I would love to hear your story.

But back to what I was originally talking about. What happens to us Vets when we get out?  Nothing. Just some bull shit transfer me out class and on your way. That's it. Which is kind of odd, because the Military spends so much time transforming us into them and they don't have the audacity to transform us back when we're done. No therapy? No psych evaluation? No meditation? Nothing? Nope, because THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT US! Plain and simple. In their eyes we are expendables , a gear, a pee on.

I don't believe that. And here is what I posted on facebook which inspired me to write this blog " Whatever your feelings you have about our government and the world today, just remember that everyone who enlisted believed in one thing. Honor not corruption. My fellow Veterans, remember the vow we made: To protect this country against all enemies foreign and domestic. Your duty isn't over because you are not wearing a uniform. You're still worth something and you can still make a difference in this world. Protect your family which is humanity . Happy Veterans Day!" 

It's true Veterans, you're still worth something. When I got home, I was tired, exhausted and embarrassed. I didn't know how to function, my first three months I was stuck in my room drinking whiskey and playing cards by myself. That void of being there for someone went away. I didn't know what my purpose was anymore. But I finally found it, I am a Father who loves his family very much. I will do anything for them and I will protect them from any danger. That is what I was trained to do. I have to protect my family by protecting Humanity. You can do the same Veterans. Pick up yourself  and rise above everything. Don't fear the New World Order. Don't fear the economic collapse. Don't fear anything.

Remember your  core values  Honor. Courage. Commitment.

Happy Veterans Day!