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Saturday, August 28, 2010

Lex Luthor For President!


ATTENTION MBB'S This just in from The Daily Planet " Lex Luthor is running for President in 2012!"

That's right citizens of America, Superman's arch nemesis, Lex Luthor, may possibly be our next President. The Luthor campaign has immediately come up with a slogan " Vote for Lex Luthor; He doesn't promise Hope, He promises Results." Since then his approval rating has skyrocketed faster than Superman can reach a tall building in a single bound. Many citizens and voters are extremely happy that Lex Luthor is here to change America.

Clark Kent quoted today " Superman will also be running for President in 2012. As Superman's Ad Campaign manager his slogan will be : I'm Always Around." Citizens of Metropolis replied with a comment that is widely spreading everywhere " We Don't Need A Hero, We Need a A**Hole! "

Lex Luthor has a three part plan to restore America. His first order of business is to bring back the economy. Anyone who is collecting unemployment or welfare will be now a agriculture worker and paid minimum wage. With states like Michgan, Rhode Island and California, minimum wage ( due to inflation) will be changed to $25 dollars and hour, which will give all other brackets an upgrade.

Next order of business is the war in Iraq. Lex Luthor has decided to add three more branches to the armed forces. They are : X men, The Avengers and Justice Leauge of America. Lex Luthor stated to DC Universe " Our country is in peril, DC and Marvel Universe will put their differences aside for the greater good of America. My Secretary of Defense will be Captain America. I have good faith that he will lead this new military to victory ."

Lex Luthor has mass produced exoskeleton suits (which he used to fight against Superman) to all armed forces. He added a new heat seeking system that detects Al Qaeda . According to military analyst; this will eliminate any innocent by standers and the War on Terror will be over with in two months.

" Wow that's faster than a P90X" Louise Lane - Daily Planet

Finally; for the environment, Luthor has asked the help from Mr. Freeze and Professor X to restore Planet Earth by researching the cosmo's for inter planetary elements. These elements will give cleaner air and cure anyone that has Mesothelioma. Silver Surfer and Doomsday are pursing the universe for any adaptable element that matches Planet Earth. Lex Luthor has made his clone Vice President to continue his legacy and prevent any assassination attempt. He also funded his campaign and donated nearly a trillion dollars to the Shiner's Hospital, which is renamed Shrex Luthor Hospital.

With his final quote before his trip to Gotham City, he states " If you want a real Superman, Vote For Lex!"

Mike Betancourt- The Comic's Comic.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

BP Killed Aquaman!


Hey hey, Fans. All 2.5 of you!

The picture above which I found online is worth 1000 words, only a few words come to mind when I look at this picture. F U BP!
We all know that it took BP( British Pussies) more than 80 days and 2100 gallons of oil spewing out into the Gulf. Really BP? It had to take this long and millions of dollars later to clean up this mess? BP Chief Executive Tony Hayward " Amount of Volume of Oil and dispersant we are putting into it's tiny relations of the total water volumes". " Tiny relations"? Listen here you ugly version of Mr. Bean, most of that oil has sunk at the bottom where shrimp, oysters and crab are being effective greatly. Even Aquaman!

Aquaman may be one of the lamest super hero in comic book history... the man rides a F'N SEA HORSE. I heard that he only wants to ride male sea horses that are pregnant just to torture them. His last sea horse was expecting twins and Aquaman wanted an abortion. How do you give a sea horse an abortion? Well, our ocean is extremely polluted, so I am sure there are plenty of wire hangers on the ocean floor.
I just feel bad for the city of Atlantis, all I can think about are the millions of Atlantians dying from cancer due to the Corexit Dispersant and BP giving Aquaman a crude oil enema.

" I just want my life back" -Tony Hayward. What about those 11 workers who died on your rig, Tony?! I am sure they wanted their lives back too. BP, you're not just hurting our environment, or economy, but our imaginations. I feel the cap in my brain has been leaking out for days. BP persuaded to static kill my thoughts. Clean up this mess BP because the seaweed is not always greener and under the sea, under the sea is not where it's better or where it's wetter take it from me.

Thank you BP, you killed Aquaman. Becareful Submariner, you're next.

Mike Betancourt- The Comic's Comic

Saturday, August 21, 2010

How American is Superman?


To All MBB's
All 2.5 of you, Yes .5 means I have half a fan. No it's not midget it's a baby... and the baby is not even mine... I think? -Ok, I'm getting of topic-

Superman stands for truth, justice, and the American way. But that's not true; he's an illegal alien who lied about being born in America. His only justice is to benefit from the American system so he can work here without a visa. Nothing wrong with immigrants coming to America for job opportunities and to escape tyranny. And yes, I know Superman did not escape his planet from tyranny, we all know the story: His parents, Jor-El and Lara become aware of Krypton's impending destruction and Jor-El begins constructing a spacecraft that would carry Kal-El to Earth. During Krypton's last moments, Jor-El places young Kal-El in the spacecraft and launches it. Jor-El and Lara die as the spacecraft barely escapes Krypton's fate.
The spacecraft lands in the rural United States, where it is found by a passing motorist. Jonathan and Martha Kent adopt Kal-El and name him Clark Kent. As Clark grows up on Earth, he and his adoptive parents discover that he has superhuman powers. The Kents teach Clark to use these powers responsibly to help others and fight crime. Wow what a super hero! Well I just heard that Superman wants to build his Fortress of Solitude two blocks away from Ground Zero. Can you believe that man? F'N Kryptonians.

Superman can suck the kryptonite off of Doomsday's dick! God DC comics! Why could you not just kill him off and let it be? No, you had to bring back a guy who is super gay buff, perfect smile, and superb hair. Have you seen his hair? It's perfect! It never changes, not even when it rains. He could fly into a nuclear rocket, huge explosion, and his hair would be untouched. Superman was never cool, he's an outdated super hero stuck in the 50's, with his cheesy quotes " I'm Superman, I can do anything"- Kingdom come Series Issue #1

Now Wolverine was cool! He killed people, he had an attitude, and his quotes were bad ass " Back off you egg, sucking, piece of gutter trash" Wow! And that was on Saturday morning cartoons. Go Fox Kids!

You want me to like Superman?! Then make an issue that is worth reading. Have Superman fly the Middle East and beat the crap out of Al-Qaeda. ( Remember, Al-Qaeda not Muslims, Muslims are a religion not a terrorist regime) I mean really beat the living shit out of them. I want to see Superman pull heads off, use his lazer eyes and slice each of them in half while he's drinking their blood, holding an American Flag , and Saluting to every American Soldier saying " You can go home boys, your job here is done!"

Until then, Superman is a PUSSY!

Mike Betancourt- The Comic's Comic