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Saturday, August 21, 2010

How American is Superman?


To All MBB's
All 2.5 of you, Yes .5 means I have half a fan. No it's not midget it's a baby... and the baby is not even mine... I think? -Ok, I'm getting of topic-

Superman stands for truth, justice, and the American way. But that's not true; he's an illegal alien who lied about being born in America. His only justice is to benefit from the American system so he can work here without a visa. Nothing wrong with immigrants coming to America for job opportunities and to escape tyranny. And yes, I know Superman did not escape his planet from tyranny, we all know the story: His parents, Jor-El and Lara become aware of Krypton's impending destruction and Jor-El begins constructing a spacecraft that would carry Kal-El to Earth. During Krypton's last moments, Jor-El places young Kal-El in the spacecraft and launches it. Jor-El and Lara die as the spacecraft barely escapes Krypton's fate.
The spacecraft lands in the rural United States, where it is found by a passing motorist. Jonathan and Martha Kent adopt Kal-El and name him Clark Kent. As Clark grows up on Earth, he and his adoptive parents discover that he has superhuman powers. The Kents teach Clark to use these powers responsibly to help others and fight crime. Wow what a super hero! Well I just heard that Superman wants to build his Fortress of Solitude two blocks away from Ground Zero. Can you believe that man? F'N Kryptonians.

Superman can suck the kryptonite off of Doomsday's dick! God DC comics! Why could you not just kill him off and let it be? No, you had to bring back a guy who is super gay buff, perfect smile, and superb hair. Have you seen his hair? It's perfect! It never changes, not even when it rains. He could fly into a nuclear rocket, huge explosion, and his hair would be untouched. Superman was never cool, he's an outdated super hero stuck in the 50's, with his cheesy quotes " I'm Superman, I can do anything"- Kingdom come Series Issue #1

Now Wolverine was cool! He killed people, he had an attitude, and his quotes were bad ass " Back off you egg, sucking, piece of gutter trash" Wow! And that was on Saturday morning cartoons. Go Fox Kids!

You want me to like Superman?! Then make an issue that is worth reading. Have Superman fly the Middle East and beat the crap out of Al-Qaeda. ( Remember, Al-Qaeda not Muslims, Muslims are a religion not a terrorist regime) I mean really beat the living shit out of them. I want to see Superman pull heads off, use his lazer eyes and slice each of them in half while he's drinking their blood, holding an American Flag , and Saluting to every American Soldier saying " You can go home boys, your job here is done!"

Until then, Superman is a PUSSY!

Mike Betancourt- The Comic's Comic