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Sunday, December 15, 2013

A Woman's World

Ladies I am talking to you. Not calling men. Only ladies. I am talking to ALL women: young, old, smart, dumb, classy, promiscuous, career oriented, WIC using, drug addicted, celebrity (same as drug addicted), mothers, daughters, doctors, nurses, firefighters, police officers and military personnel.  It's time for you to take over. Take over what? Everything. Everything? Everything. Men are done. We are tired and it's about time for women to pick up the bill so we can save our money and buy something kick ass for ourselves. Think about this fellas... wouldn't it be nice if  your woman bought you a nice watch and took you to dinner? You'd have enough money for an Xbox One and a PS4!

"No way Mike, I am not gonna be the chick in this relationship. I'll pay for shit and run this planet!"

 If women were in charge of everything, that would give us time to do whatever we wanted. Some say bullshit. I say you are not really thinking about this. Women would be so consumed with making this planet a better place, they wouldn't have time to nag us to do anything. All you would have to say would be these magic words, "Aren't you suppose to be saving the world right now?" and off they would go to create free energy, improve schools, make world peace, explore the galaxies, and provide sustainable jobs for every other woman. And while they are busy doing that, we could watch Ronda Rousey get half naked with another woman and let our imaginations run wild about hopefully having a threesome with our significant other. Oh it's only in my dreams, because the reality will never happen and I am okay with that.

Men, we've had it all wrong. We are not supposed to take charge and be in front of the camera. We are supposed to be spectators viewing God's greatest creation... the woman. And if we were smart enough to just simply look at women, the world wouldn't be what it is today. We wouldn't have to worry about jobs or money and their wouldn't be stress. The world would be clean, at peace and with lots of naked ta tas everywhere. Are you getting the point now gentlemen?

Everything has a beginning and what if the beginning of our existence has been cocked blocked. What if Adam and Eve also had a friend named Steve? Get all the Adam and Steve jokes out of your system now and then read on.

Good. Now what if Adam, Eve and Steve grew up together?  As kids they played and had the whole world to themselves. No one telling them what to do or how to act, just complete freedom.  But when they finally got to a certain age they were experiencing new feelings and they didn't know how to control it. They went to God for help and God said "Eve you must procreate but you can only choose one partner." Eve was in a predicament not knowing what decision to make. "I can't do this Lord... I can't choose -"  "I'll do it God" said Adam.  What if Adam cocked blocked Steve?  Maybe Steve was devastated so he left and became a drug addict. Maybe that changed the world to the crap hole it is today. Amen.

Ladies it's time for you to clean up Man's mess and I apologize for all mankind. I am not saying to vote Hilary Clinton into office as our next president. I don't trust anyone that is in politics: male, female, young, old, white or black. They are all liars who work for liars who create more lies. I am 32 years old and I am tired of hearing "I promise this, cut down that, create this, bring back blah blah blah." We need to start thinking about forming a new society without politics, war, poverty and money. But man can't do it, we fucked everything up already with our egos. We are just running around in circles buying new shit every day.

It's time to man up ladies, after all it is called Mother Earth for a reason. We need you to nurture it.