Happy New Year!

We all know the same cliche lines: " Out with the old in with the new."  " A new beginning"  " Wipe the slate clean"  " I promise not to be that drunk like I was last New Years." And yes, all of us were that drunk person on New Years that made a complete ass of themselves. Not to mention that there is always a story which all start out the same " Remember on New Years when..." If not New Years, definitely at a wedding and  I'm guilty for both. 

That's the beauty about New Years, we can always say goodbye to the previous year. " A fresh start" - Another cliche line but still works.  But once we start the new us, we need to really stick to it. Not only are we having a New Year but we are also having a New Moon.  Who knows what will happen? Maybe the Moon and  the stars above will align with the Sun to call out to the sound of the  WAAARRRRIORR! Snarl ... Hulk Hogan....( If you get it you appreciate it. If not, I am not going to explain it)  

Take the time and really soak in this New Year. Pay attention to what is around you and figure out how we can better ourselves. Fukushima Disaster is in California and no one is doing anything about this. This should be a state of EMERGENCY and blasted all over the news! What do we do? Seriously, it's a real question not a rhetorical one. I want to start pitching in and help creating a better life but I doubt just recycling is going to help. Please leave a comment for any suggestions or ideas. 

 I don't want to protest and scream at the powers at be anymore. I am tired of fighting a broken system anyways. I want new ideas, new way of thinking, which will help us create a New Earth. It's time for us to evolve as one. Let us join together and not pay bills because that's the whole reason why we want a new society . Paying for shit sucks and it's finally taken it's toll.  Free energy and the rest will follow! If you thought Thomas Edison was a genius, then you should read up on Nikola Tesla.

Here's to the future everyone, which doesn't exist because the present moment is what you should be focusing on in the first place. 

Happy New Year! 

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

   Holy crap! How long has it been? I can't remember the last time I wrote to you. It's been a long time old friend.  I am sorry that we haven't been connected but  things have just been busy lately. As you know I have a family now and  I am a stand up com--  well you know the rest. There is no need for me to do a shameless plug here. (www.youtube.com/mikebcomedy), this is  about us and what happened to Christmas.

  You and I both knew we weren't going to be friends for long, being preachers kid I wasn't going to believe in you. Hmmm coal in my stocking or eternal damnation? Can you blame me for choosing God? I never experienced the actual belief in you and I wonder what type of person I would end up if I ever did. Would it make me a psychopath going on a killing rampage after finally realizing you're not real? Santa, this is me we are talking about even you would ask God to help me.  But that's me not my kids. My kids believe in you and it's pretty awesome witnessing the magic unfold.

Sure you're a real person but your legacy has turned a money making machine. People kill in your name: Nike Air Jordan Gamma Blue. Humanity has taken what you've taught and completely change it around into a religion. And everyone gives their tithes and offering to the Almighty on Black Friday.People are forgetting what you stood for, giving gifts to the poor. Not to a snot nose rich kid who has everything and also wants an Xbox One and PS4.  You're now in commercials promoting products saying that this will be the best Christmas gift and blah blah blah. Drink Coke this holiday season! How could kids be good kids if you want them to drink soda?

But don't worry Santa, I don't blame you for anything. I keep my children away from TV, greed, and Coke. There is hope for Christmas and it will go back to what it was originally meant for. To help the poor. Only once a year? One step at a time.

Merry You -Father Christmas- Kringle-
Nicholas and a Happy New Year!

If you love Metallica and Christmas then you will enjoy this video.

A Woman's World

Ladies I am talking to you. Not calling men. Only ladies. I am talking to ALL women: young, old, smart, dumb, classy, promiscuous, career oriented, WIC using, drug addicted, celebrity (same as drug addicted), mothers, daughters, doctors, nurses, firefighters, police officers and military personnel.  It's time for you to take over. Take over what? Everything. Everything? Everything. Men are done. We are tired and it's about time for women to pick up the bill so we can save our money and buy something kick ass for ourselves. Think about this fellas... wouldn't it be nice if  your woman bought you a nice watch and took you to dinner? You'd have enough money for an Xbox One and a PS4!

"No way Mike, I am not gonna be the chick in this relationship. I'll pay for shit and run this planet!"

 If women were in charge of everything, that would give us time to do whatever we wanted. Some say bullshit. I say you are not really thinking about this. Women would be so consumed with making this planet a better place, they wouldn't have time to nag us to do anything. All you would have to say would be these magic words, "Aren't you suppose to be saving the world right now?" and off they would go to create free energy, improve schools, make world peace, explore the galaxies, and provide sustainable jobs for every other woman. And while they are busy doing that, we could watch Ronda Rousey get half naked with another woman and let our imaginations run wild about hopefully having a threesome with our significant other. Oh it's only in my dreams, because the reality will never happen and I am okay with that.

Men, we've had it all wrong. We are not supposed to take charge and be in front of the camera. We are supposed to be spectators viewing God's greatest creation... the woman. And if we were smart enough to just simply look at women, the world wouldn't be what it is today. We wouldn't have to worry about jobs or money and their wouldn't be stress. The world would be clean, at peace and with lots of naked ta tas everywhere. Are you getting the point now gentlemen?

Everything has a beginning and what if the beginning of our existence has been cocked blocked. What if Adam and Eve also had a friend named Steve? Get all the Adam and Steve jokes out of your system now and then read on.

Good. Now what if Adam, Eve and Steve grew up together?  As kids they played and had the whole world to themselves. No one telling them what to do or how to act, just complete freedom.  But when they finally got to a certain age they were experiencing new feelings and they didn't know how to control it. They went to God for help and God said "Eve you must procreate but you can only choose one partner." Eve was in a predicament not knowing what decision to make. "I can't do this Lord... I can't choose -"  "I'll do it God" said Adam.  What if Adam cocked blocked Steve?  Maybe Steve was devastated so he left and became a drug addict. Maybe that changed the world to the crap hole it is today. Amen.

Ladies it's time for you to clean up Man's mess and I apologize for all mankind. I am not saying to vote Hilary Clinton into office as our next president. I don't trust anyone that is in politics: male, female, young, old, white or black. They are all liars who work for liars who create more lies. I am 32 years old and I am tired of hearing "I promise this, cut down that, create this, bring back blah blah blah." We need to start thinking about forming a new society without politics, war, poverty and money. But man can't do it, we fucked everything up already with our egos. We are just running around in circles buying new shit every day.

It's time to man up ladies, after all it is called Mother Earth for a reason. We need you to nurture it.

Halloween Sketch in December? Hell yeah! Enjoy.

How could I not write about Nelson Mandela?

You would think I would be a damn fool not to write about Nelson Mandela.  I know in my previous blog I wrote about Paul Walker, but I felt bad for him. And as a father who lost a father, it sucks losing one and I can imagine the pain my daughters would go through if I wasn't here. Now you can see the angle I was writing from. Not to capitalize on his name and make money (thanks for the fans though, they are in need for a new leader. Follow me @Twitter.com/MikeBComedy)  I was being mindful  and I wanted to uplift a tragic story.  Am I getting soft at my age? When you're angry for most of your life and finally letting go of that anger  you  become compassionate  which is a sign of maturity.  So the answer is yes, I'm becoming soft and now it's time for me to man up.

 Paul Walker is old news, we all need to get over it. If you think about it  he didn't really do that much. Compared to who am I writing about now his name alone has achieved more success and love than any other name today. A dedicated peace maker who went to prison for 26 years to then become President of South Africa for which he saved a country from civil war, that's worth more than any box office hit. Sorry Paul Walker, you may be the Jesus of Nitrous but you are no Mandela.

I can barely forgive my family if they piss me off,  I can't imagine loving anything after 26 years in prison. Yet to lead a nation into victory while promoting peace and love. Maya Angelo said it best "The one thing we can learn from Nelson Mandela is forgiveness" If Nelson Mandela's soul purpose in life was to teach humanity how to forgive then Mission Accomplished, your grace here on Earth has affected everyone. I can be the first to admit that I need to forgive myself and start forgiving others.

  Don't forget that he won the Noble Peace Prize because he followed his heart. You might learn a thing or two President Obama aka Bizzaro Mandela. He  didn't win this prestigious award for just becoming a President. Perhaps letting our troops come home, veto the NDAA act,  stop the NSA from spying on us, trust your people and love them the way Mandela did for South Africa.   I don't hate you Obama, nor our government because I have Mandela'd you. That means forgive. Although most of your administration  deserve 26 years of imprisonment to learn a thing or two about love. I am not going to get angry,  this blog isn't gonna be my rampage Alex Jones bull horn, soap box , fear The New World Order, George Orwell's 1985 banter. Not this blog, the next ones sure but not this one.  This is blog is dedicated to forgiveness, love and losing a great man.

I was lucky enough to know his name throughout  my childhood till now. I am very thankful that he did live amongst  us and I was able to witness his legacy unfold.  His death should not be a day of saddness but a day for us to rejoice, live and learn his teachings.

Thank you Nelson Mandela for everything that you have done for humanity.  We will never forget your words because they are too powerful to ignore.

“People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite... Man's goodness is a flame that can be hidden but never explained.”- Nelson Mandela

You can't make fun of Paul Walker.

I am so thankful that I wasn't one of those people who said stupid  shit about Paul Walker . Just mindless people online not  realizing what they are saying.  Take the time to think about something to say instead of  blurt out  the first thing that comes to your mind. That's the whole purpose of thinking, try it sometime you might actually become smart. 

"I always wanted to read people's minds but because of  the internet I changed my mind."- Ironically I found that  quote online.

It's called Social Networking for a reason;  for us to  communicate instead of  wasting time on bashing each other. And honestly with the Paul Walker and Roger Rodas( Yes I remembered the drivers name.) the jokes were getting old fast. No, I wasn't furious in case you were looking for me to insert Fast and Furious joke.   You can't make fun of Paul Walker because this story is too tragic.

 " Yeah but he's a celebrity and he is getting all the attention. What about other people who have died? No recognition there. RIP Everyone else blah blah blah I am a fucking idiot" 

 His story is different because you never heard anything bad or seen him in the tabloids. He was never  intoxicated pissing in public, or Dancing with the Has Beens/ or "Comebacks".  He was on his way to a charity event.  Not to mention that he died before Christmas, another reason why you shouldn't make fun of Paul Walker. And finally, he was re- uniting his relationship with his daughter. That alone deserves first class ticket to Heaven. How many dead beat Dad's are out there?  Rich and poor. Plenty.  

I say we  give Paul Walker the attention he deserves. For we raise our glasses and give toast to Paul Walker. We will never forget Varsity Blues, Joy Ride, Running Scared, and of course  The Fast and The Furious franchise. Except for Toyko Drift. That never happened. You will be remembered for generations.

Cheers to  you  Paul Walker  "The Jesus of Nitrous"